When I saw the atrocity in Orlando this morning, my heart broke. It was broken for the senseless loss of life, for the families who woke up to a forever-altered future, and for all the victims who didn’t lose their live but will never look at June the 12th the same.
I thought about those in my family who are gay: Those in my immediate and extended family as well as those in my circle of friends; those whom I love no matter how they choose to live their life.
My mind quickly turned to all the stupid things that would surely be uttered today. With a sinking heart I imagined the untimely things that would likely be said, the agendas that people would attempt to advance at the expense of lives lost, and the lines that would be drawn in the sand.
Will the media refer to this as an “act of terror?” Would they use the words “radical Islam?” How quickly would the gun-control-drums begin to beat? But what I most feared, what I silently prayed wouldn’t be said surfaced by noon.
It happened while Steve, Griffin and I processed the events over lunch. Griffin leaned over, put his phone screen in my eye-sight and waited for my reaction. There it was. The text of a twitter post further crumbling the pieces of my heart:
“SOS MY CHURCH LITERALLY BLAMED THE ‘club environment and sin over those men’ on why they got shot I’m so omg”
I wasn’t there, but the message this shiny new graduate got was clear: these 50 lost souls had themselves to blame.
No, I do not agree with whatever pastor spouted this rubbish, but because I profess the same faith, I can get painted with the same brush. So I can’t be quiet. I can’t sit by and assume that people know that I don’t agree with this unknown (to me) pastor. I can’t do nothing.
Can we stop long enough to mourn and grieve? Can we stop playing political games, promoting religious agendas, and pointing fingers just long enough to be human? Can we stop, united by our humanity, and weep with those who weep?
There will be time for the rest later: time for investigating the why and how, time for asking why leaders can’t call a terrorist attack what it is, and time for unraveling the events that led to someone murdering so many people.
But today…. today can we remember that every life lost was one created in the image of God?
Can we reach out with the love that embodies Christ, doing whatever we can wherever we are to show those that the misguided pastor referred to as “those men” that they are loved? Because casting stones never draws anyone in, extending the love of Christ does.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to post this week. Should I continue with my series on Uganda or put it to rest? Should I use something I have already written that is waiting in the wings? And then there are the things I want to write about August: Osage County…. I had lots of options and NFL football wasn’t one of them: more specifically Richard Sherman.
Disclaimer: I am not a die-hard football fanatic. I like the game and have enjoyed watching it since high school. I don’t have a fantasy football team, I haven’t memorized which player is on what team and there have been seasons (specifically when the Titans weren’t doing well) that I haven’t even watched a single game. So maybe it’s been a few years…. The Titans have been my official team since they moved to Nashville, and I really don’t have a back-up team to cheer for.
This year I found one. Having quite a few friends who are Seattle fans, I have paid attention to their progress this year. In some odd alignment of the planets, I was watching the NFC championship game and saw Richard Sherman’s sideline exchange with Erin Andrews live. To be honest, I laughed. I laughed at how ridiculous he sounded. I laughed at the bewildered expression on Andrew’s face. And I laughed because I think he actually might have sprayed spit on her as he spoke. I had NO idea what a big deal his 18 second answer would become.
At first I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the melee, because, well I have a bazillion other things going on. But I would had to have been living under a rock not to take notice.
As the lines were quickly drawn, two camps emerged. People seemed to either be a member of the tribe “how terribly inappropriate” or “he was blowing of steam – big deal”. And in the media frenzy that ensued, the name Richard Sherman began to be linked with thug. Really? A thug?
I’ve already admitted I don’t know a lot about specific players, so I decided to look him up. The NFL has no shortage of players, past and present, who would fit the definition of a thug. I expected to find something, but there was nothing. NOTHING. (NFL arrest database) To the contrary, everything I found suggested that Richard Sherman is not only an elite player at the top of his profession, but he is also an intelligent person.
A thug? Maybe my understanding of the word thug was wrong, so I looked it up. Thug – A brutal ruffian or assassin. Other definitions also add the words robber and murderer. It’s not my intent to laud Sherman’s accomplishments, so if you want to read them check here or here. But I think it’s safe to say that, by definition, he is no thug.
My opinion is this: he was caught up in the excitement of winning a championship game and he spouted off. At worst you might call him hotheaded, impulsive, or unsportsmanlike. Big deal! I know that someone will inevitably say, “Well, he’s arrogant!” So what? And when did recognizing that you are great at what you do become arrogance? And even if he is, does that make him a thug?
The bigger issue to me is how easily we throw around labels and make judgments based on an 18 second exchange. And that happens all day, every day without football championships. We, you and I, probably have never had a personal encounter with Richard Sherman, but how many of us were quick to start the name calling?
While I’ve never been even close to professional at anything except sticking my foot in my mouth, I have been hotheaded, arrogant, impulsive, etc… God only knows how many times I have been caught up in the heat of the moment and spouted off! Good thing there weren’t cameras present or I might be labeled a thug.
Thoughts?
If you need the rest of the story, it can be found here. Happy reading. ~ Holly
From our interaction with Ellya at the clinic, I learned he had lost a wife and a child. Now he had a child with cancer. Without question, he had endured more heartache than I could fathom.
I have to admit that when I first heard about the condition his children were living in I was indignant. When one of our translators returned from the village where Ellya lived she reported a one-room hut that was falling apart and had no door. There was no food for them to eat and their clothing was filthy. As she questioned neighbors there were reports of the children being left to fend for themselves while their father spent what little resources they had on alcohol.
And that’s when I got on my high horse. I mounted it and proudly rode around looking down my nose at this man who I didn’t even know. He should be more concerned with caring for his remaining children than with getting plastered. I looked at him with disdain, feeling as though he were beneath me. Beneath me not because of his meager life in a third-world country but because he wasn’t caring for his children.
When interacting with him I tried to wear my non-judgmental face but my scorn simmered underneath. Thoughts of how he should be doing things, how I would handle the situation, and all the ways he was falling short as a parent kept me from seeing him as an equal.
I knew my thinking wasn’t fair but I couldn’t seem to stop it. No matter how hard I tried I could only see what he was doing, not who he was. He was a drunk. He neglected those who relied solely on him.
He avoided.
He abandoned.
He failed.
As Steve and I spent time with him one afternoon at Mulago Hospital, all that changed. I saw a father who wouldn’t go eat for fear he would miss Joseph coming out of surgery. I saw strong hands struggle to keep his son from falling off the bed as he writhed in agony. I heard quiet, tender words spoken to Joseph in an attempt to sooth him. As I looked into his eyes I saw the beginnings of tears. All these things were a wet blanket on my fire of indignation.
Then came the moment when it was all washed away.
“Thank you. Thank you for what you have done for my son. I received a diagnosis and took him home to die but you Muzungus brought him here,” he said with shame in his eyes.
In that moment I believe I was given a glimpse into Ellya’s heart. I had mistaken hopelessness for indifference, sorrow for selfishness.
All the feelings of haughtiness and superiority drained from me and I saw Ellya in an entirely new way. For the first time I saw him for who he was. He was a single father with 4 children. He was a widower. He was grieving the loss of a child. He had a son with cancer and no means to seek treatment. He was a man. He was a human – created in Gods image, just like me.
I had been cruel and unfair.
Do I want people who don’t really know me to swoop in and pass judgment on my life? Do I want to be seen only for what I do? Would I like for people to focus on my mistakes? Never! But that’s exactly what I had done. I had judged. It’s so tempting to criticize what we haven’t walked through.
That’s the lesson for me: don’t look at people through the lens of their choices. When I do that I see them as nothing more than the sum of their behaviors, and looking solely at behavior misses the heart. If I truly want to see someone I must be willing to look past their choices.
Not many of us will find ourselves on the other side of the world passing judgment on a hurting man. But each of us will be tempted to do the same thing in our circle of family, friends, and acquaintances. Whether it’s an addiction, deliberate bad choices, or simply failure to make any choice at all, there are many people on whom we pass judgment. Instead of callously drawing conclusions I am challenged to take the time and make an effort to understand the person rather than their behavior alone.
I remember the first time I found myself in a country where English isn’t the native language. At eighteen, the furthest I had traveled away from home was to New York City. To say I was naïve would be an understatement; green, tenderfoot, and youthful. I knew traveling to India would be a different experience but I failed to grasp how daunting it would be.
The first time I noticed I was in a great minority was during a layover in Bahrain – the sounds, the stares, the unfamiliarity. The next 6 weeks in India were not much different. Our group had contacts there who spoke English but for the most part I was lost in a language that was foreign to me.
I learned only enough Hindi to tell the rickshaw driver when to go and when to stop. Gesturing never quite conveyed what I was trying to say. A feeling of restlessness as people on the street around me spoke unfamiliar sounds at breakneck speed became my new norm. I remember straining, hoping to catch a familiar word.
The next time I would experience this feeling is 20 years later. On my first trip to Uganda in 2011, there were a few more English-speaking people. But again, I was relying on gestures to try and communicate with the native people. The villagers who came to our medical clinics spoke no English, and even though we had interpreters there were times the language barrier still loomed between us like a dense fog.
Savannah making “Chicken Balloons”
A few of us resorted to using objects as a way of finding common ground with my daughter excelling at this technique. A rubber glove was transformed into a chicken balloon, complete with scribbled ‘Sharpie’ eyes. Bubbles became the catalyst for belly laughs. Things these children had never seen eased the fear of unknown Mzungus examining them. And the next year there were Matchbox cars.
I’ll never know if Joseph’s initial apprehension was related to our bleached skin or if he was weary of being examined. The usual tricks I had learned to rely on didn’t alter the detached look in his eyes. I felt inept as I tried to entertain Joseph and his brother, Godfrey, while their father was arranging details of the upcoming surgery in Kampala.
The first time I saw them smile.
…Matchbox cars.
I don’t even remember where they came from, whose suitcase carried the unsuspecting ambassadors around the world. But I will never forget watching the veil drop and a smile creep up Joseph’s misshapen face. The squeals of unabashed, barefaced laughter are still burned in my memory.
We didn’t need words – English or Lugandan. Two brothers, some toy cars, and a table to roll them across… these were the ingredients to an afternoon of freedom; freedom from doctors, tumors, worry, and fear.
That afternoon I felt like they were the teacher and I the student. The subject: universal language. We didn’t need common vocabulary. We didn’t need an interpreter. We didn’t need to stare quietly at each other, wondering how to communicate. Smiles, cars, and belly laughs became the bridge that united us.
I’ve often wondered what Joseph was thinking. Was there a key to unlock the dialogue in his head? Now, I know it doesn’t matter. For a little while however, two boys were liberated, and I will never be able to put into words how fortunate I was to observe no matter how many languages I learn.
Click here to read previous posts in this series.
The clinic
When it comes to rules I am an enigma, a perplexing mix of strict adherence and defiant rebellion. This is admittedly weird behavior and I’ve spent more than a few minutes trying to figure out why. Why do I conform without question to certain rules while going out of my way to deviate from others? The best conclusion I’ve come up with is this: it lies in the purpose of the rule – injustice vs. order. If rules are either part of crowd control or other forms of maintaining order, the administrative part of me acquiesces and I follow. But if rules hint at injustice I will go out of my way to buck the system.
Life is not cut and dried. You can’t always categorize complex circumstances into two simple columns. I know this can cause me to be perceived as fickle by some people. The ongoing commentary in my brain is always debating how certain circumstances should be handled; conform or rebel?
“Wait your turn!“, “Don’t take what isn’t yours.”, and “tell the truth“; these rules are non-negotiable in my world. However, blatantly stupid and socially harmful mantras such as those of the past where women and non-land owning males were prohibited from voting, as well as the horrid images of “Whites Only” signs displayed on restroom doors, equally send livid impulses to my brain, causing me to see red.
When I first saw Ellya and Joseph walking toward the clinic I was immediately in mental turmoil. It was time for the clinic to close for lunch and we already had a large crowd waiting to be seen. I made a snap decision to have an interpreter tell Ellya that it might be better if he came back later.
People waiting
Then I saw Joseph’s face.
Joseph
The right side was so swollen that his eye was beginning to protrude. Taking a moment to look further I realized his entire face was misshapen. And in that nanosecond all the rules went flying out the window. I knew he needed to be seen immediately no matter what ‘rules’ I had set in place.
And that’s the lesson here. I can become so entrenched in my own rules that I fail to see what’s right in from of me. Thankfully, this time, I did the right thing. I stopped to evaluate and saw what was truly important.
But how many times have I failed?
How many times have I missed an opportunity to help, to show compassion, share, or to be kind?
In my attempt to be efficient and productive, what opportunities have I lost?
How uncaring have I appeared?
One of my favorite sayings is “We are human beings, not human doings.” The implication is that we spend so much time doing that we forget to be. We can get so wrapped up in the tyranny of the urgent that we lose sight of our purpose. We can overlook the needs of people right in front of us.
But when I take the time to see effectively, the hurt and the pain that’s in my path, I am gifted with a rare opportunity to make a real difference. It becomes an opportunity, for better or worse, in which I am presented with the choice to either do what my heart tells me is the right thing or to follow my head in towing the compulsory line. Without regret, I decide that comforting those who are hurting is infinitely more important than keeping a clinic on schedule.
(c) Blog content by Holly Holladay
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